At this point in my life, I have been doing a lot of thinking- about my best friends, sisters, littles, and those who mean the world to me; those who I want to be standing next to me on my big day, and those I want there to see me say "I DO" to the most wonderful man in the world.
So as you can imagine, after the proposal of my dreams I immediately wanted to call my parents, Chris' parents, and my best friends. After getting in touch with all of them, I started to think about my bridesmaids and maid of honor. I got so excited to plan a wedding with Chris and my best friends. Every girl thinks about this moment, dreams about this moment, when a shining knight will sweep them off their feet and present them with a beautiful, shiny ring. But for me, its more than that.
When I received a bid to join ZTA, I was excited to receive new "sisters". In 2006, I really didn't know what that meant. I didn't know what I was getting into, what I was joining, what I was saying. I simply knew that these women, these Zetas, understood me and liked me for me. And, because I was a freshman, I wanted to belong. I jumped in and never looked back. I am so glad I did.
As I have said before, being a sorority woman has changed my life. Now that I am a Fraternity and Sorority Life professional, I have conversations with my students. I call them "Coming to Jesus moments". These moments are full of fun, love, and students coming to their own realizations. In the spring last year, I was able to have a great "coming to Jesus moment" with one of the fraternity men I advise. It was a good one. He came to me with an issue, one that reflected his fraternity as a whole. But he could not see how it went past him. You see, when we all join a Fraternity or Sorority, we tend to not realize that it is more than just us now. We represent ourselves, others, our brothers and sisters, our national organization, and Greek men and women as a whole. It's something that takes time to understand and grasp. I didn't understand this until I was a senior in college. If I would have thought about the span of my representation, I would have changed the way I acted in a hurry!
Anyway, this conversation with a student became just this converstaion. A realization that he represented more than just himself. He was ________, a member of XYZ Fraternity. Just as I am Bonny, a sister of Zeta Tau Alpha. This was now part of who I am. And as I invested myself in it my sorority, it became a part of who I am. Now that this fraternity man was a part of an organization he represented himself and his letters; because that is all he saw in the mirror. The fact is, many of us see only what is in the mirror. We see what directly affects us. Only as a fraternity man or sorority woman, we have to learn to look past just our reflection and see what is behind us. Have you ever heard "I have your back" from a sister or brother? They will. But you need to see that when you look in the mirror. So now your reflection consists of you, your letters, and your sister/brother. What about who has their back? And their back? and that persons back?
This is what our reflection truly looks like: we look in the mirror with 3 letters on our chest (sometimes two). Behind those letters and your smile, you see your brothers/sister, you see your bigs and littles, grandlittles, alumni, advisors, other chapters, the national organization, and other organizations that represent Greeks as a whole. We have to see past our own reflection and see who else we represent.
When you get engaged, you think possibilities, of the future, a little bit of the past, and what all of these things have in common. I honestly didn't start thinking of all these things until I had taken a few glances at my ring. and when I look at my ring, I see my fiance, I see my future. But that is what I would see at face value. Upon looking deeper, I think about all the things that have shaped me into who I am, the person that Chris fell in love with. I think of those past memories that have chipped away at me to make me a puzzle piece that fits with Chris. I think about those people that helped chip away at me. I see all of those things in my ring.
After it all, I realize that a reflection is much more that what you see in the mirror. It has to do with the people starting back at you. And whether those people have your back as you stare at yourself in that lettered shirt in the mirror, or those people are standing by you at your wedding, those sisters/brothers are there. and the effort of seeing past the initial reflection is what is most meaningful.
I cannot wait to have my sisters standing by me when I marry the man of my dreams just as I know Chris will have his brothers standing by his side. Two families will become one and the people I see in my reflection will grow as I represent even more people besides myself.
Even though our reflection and our experience may change, when you look in the mirror remember, fraternity is forever. And when I look at my ring, I'll remember the same thing.
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