Becoming a Big: When are you ready to become a role model?

I dare you to watch this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_o1P3ujhlo
Then read on....

Growing up, I always wanted a brother or sister. As an 'only child', I craved for someone to play with, look up to, have fun with, and pick on. My parents were there for me through it all, but for those of you with siblings, I am sure you know what I mean. You have a bond with a sibling unlike any other. This bond is different and unique, especially with sisters.

When I started college in Fall 2006, I wanted nothing more than to find a group of friends and have a good time -starting with the good time, and the friends would follow. Well, during the first 2 weeks, recruitment started and one of my only friends I knew my first year wanted me to go through recruitment with her- I did. I pledged. I joined. I fell in love. 

But through this 4 year experience, I started forming a family. And with 3 amazing littles, my family tree is still growing strong. For southern sassy women, we go crazy to find that perfect little. They have to dress adorable, look adorable, and represent themselves heir big, and their organization adorably and in lady-like fashion. If they don't hold up to that end of the bargain, we question why they got into the organization in the first place. 

I love my littles very much, but I could not have three more different women. My first little, Liz, is a vivacious, full of life, outgoing, double-dog-dare-you type of woman. She brings light to anyone she comes in contact with and I knew she and I would be great friends. When I first met Liz, the first thing she said to me was "are you married?!" -Priceless! Since I met her when I was an orientation leader in 2007, I knew she was someone who would make a difference in Zeta and in my life. We are friends before we are big and little. We always have been more like friends than big and little -and that is okay, it's just our relationship. My second little, Savannah is more my twin. We are more like biological sisters than big and little. Not only do we look alike, but we also act very similar. Savannah is one of the sweetest people I have ever met. Everyone she meets loves her and she instantly puts a smile on your face. I was blessed to have Savannah as a little, she helped me feel comfortable in my own skin. Last but not least is my third little -Allison. From the moment I met Allison during fall recruitment in 2009, I knew I wanted her as my little. This little nugget will always hold a special place in my heart. I feel that I was the 'best' big to Allison. This nugget makes me smile from ear to ear and she is more a genuine little sister to me than anything. She often challenged me to grow and it was always for the better. She gave me something I always wanted -a little sister.

As I look back at my time with my littles, I think of how my relationships changed over the course of my time, my maturity, and my roles in my organization. Yes MY growth, not my littles growth. As a big, an involved member, and as a graduate assistant in a Greek Life office, I see organizations focus on the role of the big TO the little, instead of the role of the big ON the big. In other words, sorority women will get upset at a big who is not doing their job, but how does a 18 year old woman serve as a mentor to a women who is only about 6  months younger than they are?

As I look at my littles, I look at how my relationships with them grew over the years. It changed drastically, as did I. Let's be honest, in Greek organizations, we often bond with our bigs and little through socials, parties, and nights out on the town. Big often want a little with the same lifestyle as them and can go out and have a good time and be good friends with. If you chose your little for a different reason, your an exception to the rule- Trust me.

Liz and I during 2008 Big/Little reveal

I remember one of the first nights I went out with Liz. It was a week after she got into Zeta and myself along with other members of my pledge class decided to get all our littles together to go out for a fun night; and fun it was. Maybe a little to much fun. As a sophomore, I was under 21 - I drank, a lot. Not only did I drink, I gave my little drinks and shots, and then made her drive me and by big to the bar where we all continued to drink. I had no care for what would happen next. I was living for the moment and wanted my little to do the same. Everyone else was doing it so why shouldn't we. I didn't want to be the 'lame' big.

Savannah and I at a sister's wedding in Fall 2011.

With Savannah, things were a bit "better". I was a junior, Savannah was a sophomore, we were roommates, and things were great! We both were still under 21. But when we drank, it was mostly at home during our annual Say Yes to the Dress marathons, nail painting sessions, and planning our weddings. But we did have the occasional evening out. Even though we celebrated in style, we drank too much. We partied hard, and didn't care who saw. When I turned 21, I bought Savannah drinks, gave her my drinks, and we always had a good time.

Allison and I in Spring 2011 having a fun night out.

I remember the first week Allison was in Zeta. One particular encounter at a favorite Fort Myers restaurant, Ale House.  As a senior now, I knew the different groups in my sorority. Every organization has them, there is the quiet group, the outgoing group, the bubbly blondes, the party girls, the academic excellence girls, and the high-nosed betterment-for-the-organization girls; just to name a few. I'm not sure where I fit in, but it was not with the party group. During that night at Ale House, Allison started to hang out with the party group. For some time, I was nervous that she would no longer want me as a big because I didn't fit into that group. I pulled her aside about a week later and told her what I stood for, and it was not partying. I also told her I wanted to be her big if she would still have me. 4 weeks later, Allison became my little. Over the year, we went out a few times, and we drank together and I always kept an eye on my little nugget. I made sure she was not in an uncomfortable situation, in danger, and always had a designated driver, even if it had to be me- even though I am of age. I looked our for her and in order to do that I had to be more of a responsible drinker and took other into consideration when I went out or drank.

So let's focus on the actions of the big sister- from my sophomore year to senior year, I went from forcing my little to take shots at a party where we then drove to a bar, to drinking responsibly with my little and ensuring she was safe at all times. Instead of focusing on the little's experience, I truly think that focusing on the experience, education, and development of the big will create a worth-while experience for the little. Enhance the role model, and the little will grow too.

Its natural for every member to grow and develop over 4 years. Its called student development. Know that I am learning about it, I think the most important thing an organization can do is educate the big sisters. As I grew up in Zeta Tau Alpha, I was able to see past me wearing my letters in the mirror. I was able to see me in my letters, backed by my littles in their letters, backed by my big, my sisters, my national sisters, my alumni, my national office, my founders, and every other person associated with Zeta Tau Alpha. It was at this moment I realized my actions affected all of those around me. But this lightbulb moment did not happen over night. I had to grow up. All of us have to grow up. But what are we doing as an organization to help our bigs be the best big, role model, and sister they can be. It's the development of our members that creates a sustainable organization.

So how do we know when members are ready to become a big? Do we want young members taking a little when they act like a little themselves? Where is the line between Big Sister and friend drawn? What do you think?

How does your organization educate their members long term? Email me or post a response to this post with your education 101 tips!

Wait What: Picking your little
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_o1P3ujhlo
Southern ladies, it's funny, but its true. "A big little relationship is all about showing your little how to be hot".
Oh really?! Glad I found this out now!

Lightbulb Moments

Every day I wake up proud of the person I am. How many people can genuinely say that? But it's taken me a lot of years to get to where I am and be who I am today. Family, friends, sorority sisters, fraternity brothers, my faith, bosses, mentors, siblings and great loves have all influenced the person I am. It is something I would never change, never take back.

Over the years, I have had my "light bulb moments" (thank you Oprah) where I wake up and realize I need help, I need guidance, I need support. I've also had the moments where I realize I can attribute who I am to a specific time, event, or person. Every time I have one of these moments, I wonder how different my life would be if it wasn't for (insert your 'what if' here)... in my present day case- What if I never joined a sorority? Every sorority women, maybe even fraternity man, has this moment where they consider 'what if', but most never really do much with it. But as a graduate student at Bowling Green State University who is majoring in College Student Personnel and a focus on Greek Life, I choose to take it one step further.

I became a sister of Zeta Tau Alpha in fall 2006, September 10 to be exact. I remember recruitment, the memories, and the emotions I had trying to choose an organization I wanted to be a part of for the rest of my life. I remember meeting the president of my chapter, (Kappa Tau shout out) Liz Perez and thinking I must have been special because the president knew my name. I remember thinking this would be a life changing experience that would make me a better person. I knew it would provide fun and give me something to do on the weekend at a school that didn't have much to do. I knew it would make me someone, something, bigger than what I was alone. And while I was naive about some of these things, my sorority experience did not disappoint. I went on to become very involved, holding numerous positions and gaining the respect of the chapter members, alumni, and national council. I worked hard at my sorority experience. I often joked to family and friends that I was majoring in Greek Life and minoring in Orientation, who would have thought this would be true.

In 2009, I met my mentor and a best friend, Cal Majure. This man forever changed the course of my life. A fellow Greek -Cal is a Pi Kappa Phi- Cal had just graduated from Bowling Green State University and came to work at my undergraduate institution, Florida Gulf Coast University. As the assistant director of orientation and new student programs, Cal brought a lot of much-needed change to the department. I had previously served as an Orientation Leader in 2007 and loved my position. I wanted desperately to breaking back into the New Student Program world. Cal was the one way I could get back involved. After getting involved and holding a large leadership role with orientation in 2010, Cal sat me down and began to discuss my future. He questioned me about my passions, what motivates me, and what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. I knew I wanted to educate people and make a difference. I also knew that my sorority was giving me more than my degree. The next words out of Cal's mouth made my life different: "You know you can do that for a living, right?". Cue the lightbulb moment.

From that moment on, the next year and a half of my life was a whirlwind. I separated from a long time boyfriend, dated others, applied to graduate school at Bowling Green where Cal went to school, taught professionally for 6 months, visited Bowling Green, got accepted to Bowling Green, quit my job, packed up whatever could fit in my SUV and moved from Florida to Ohio (Hello, culture shift!), created a 'home' where I knew no one, started over, started classes, moved to Berea, starting working in res life and Greek life,  was reconnected me with the love of my life (Thanks, Cal!), was put on academic probation, reevaluated my life, learned a lot, got off academic probation, and finish my first year of graduate school. Needless to say, a lot changed and a lot happened.

Above all, my life changed form one lightbulb moment and I realized if I had never joined Zeta Tau Alpha, I would not the the person, have the people in my life, or have the opportunities that lay before me. If I were never Greek, I would still be teaching (which I loved doing) and not following my dream. If i never joined a sorority, I would not be writing this blog. They say everything happens for a reason. When I went through recruitment in 2006 with a friend, I never thought my life would be changed to this extreme. But thinking back, the lightbulb moments from September 2006 onward, have changed my life for the better.

Cal and I during my first visit to BGSU in Fall 2010.

What lightbulb moments have forever changed your life? Feel free to post or email me at bvboutet@gmail.com with a response.